Lip Sync.... For your LIFE

The Most Memorable Lip Syncs from RuPaul's Drag Race

Because the wait until Season 7 is interminable, and I'm chewing my arm off and frothing at the mouth because I have no reason for living other than RuPaul's Drag Race (warning: may be an exaggeration) I decided to relive some of my favourite (and not-so-favourite) lip sync battles from the history of the show. Hey! Why don't you join me...


Tammie Brown vs Akashia (Season 1 Episode 2)
Song: We Break the Dawn (Michelle Williams)

Tammie vs Akashia

"Screw you guys, I'm going home"

Season 1 of Drag Race is a bit of a Curate's Egg. It's noticeably cheaper, grimier, less polished and much more basic compared to later seasons. The set is different, smaller, as is the workroom, and Ru seems to have insisted on vaseline smeared across the camera lenses at all moments.

Even odder, Season 1 has two separate occasions where a queen completely gives up and bails out of the show (they probably wouldn't have done in later seasons when the cash prize had increased from $20 grand to $100 grand). The first such occasion being only in the second ever episode! Tammie Brown decides to not even bother lip synching to Michelle Williams (she was in Destiny's Child) track, instead just deciding to hobble around and smile insanely.

To be fair, when she was given the ipod with the song on at the start of the week she may have just felt it wasn't worth $20 grand to have to listen to that terrible song over and over again.



Shannel vs Akashia (Season 1 Episode 3)
Song: The Greatest Love of All (Whitney Houston)

Shannel vs Akashia

The first big lip synch 'drama' as Shannel starts performing and..... HER WIG FALLS OFF! Despite this shocking occurrence, chantay she stays, and Akashia, who was in the bottom for the third time in 3 episodes, sashays away.

Shannel later revealed in the reunion show that the wig fell off accidentally on purpose, as she was hoping by showing some vulnerability she would be saved. The shady bitch!


Shannel vs Rebecca Glasscock (Season 1 Episode 6)
Song: Shackles (Mary Mary)

Shannel vs Rebecca Glasscock

"Screw you guys, I'm going home"

Shannel follows in Tammie Brown's footsteps and throws in the towel. Prior to the lip sync, Ru asks each of the remaining girls who they think should go. When Ru reaches Shannel, the Queen shocks everyone by declaring that she should go, as she's had enough.

Ru then places Shannel in the bottom 2 along with Rebecca, and although Shannel gives a fierce performance, one arguably much better than Rebeccas's, what choice does Mama have but than to send the Queen home who has just said she doesn't want to be there.

Shangela Laquifa Wadley vs 
Sahara Davenport (Season 2 Episode 1)
Song: Cover Girl (RuPaul)

Shangela vs Sahara

Shange-who?

Season 2 - Cleaner, brighter, less vaseline (on the lense, anyway) and fiercer. Long term friends Shangela and Sahara battle it out in a lip synch that is more energetic, frenetic and exciting than any from Season 1.

Sahara drops it like its hot and sends Shangela home. Whatever did happened to Shangela?


Sonique vs Morgan McMichaels (Season 2 Episode 4)
Song: Two Hearts (Stacey Q)

Sonique vs Morgan

Oops, wrong Sonique

Sonique strips down to reveal matching undies. And then proceeds to jump around like some kind of possessed animal. It won't save her from Morgan's fierce, sexy and professional synch-ing talents though. Sonique, sashay away.


Sahara Davenport vs Jujubee (Season 2 Episode 6)
Song: Black Velvet (Alannah Myles)

Sahara vs Jujubee

Sahara was a fierce queen, and one who brought it when called to lip synch previously.... But here Jujubee creams her, given Sahara's .... interesting decision to seemingly perform to a completely different song. Needless to say Jujubee was the one to stay.

Seriously Gurl?

Shangela Laquifa Wadley vs 
Venus D-Lite (Season 3 Episode 2)
Song: The Right Stuff (Vanessa Williams)

Shangela vs Venus

Oh, it is ON, bitch

Hey, that's right, Shangela snuck into a box and made it back to Drag Race for Season 3! And found herself in the first lip synch of the season, yet again!

This time however, her opponent Venus D-Lite decides to forget about lip-synching and concentrate on taking Shangela down! Luckily for Shangela, a shocked Ru sends Venus home. Damn!

Mimi Imfurst vs India Ferrah (Season 3 Episode 4)
Song: Don't Leave Me This Way (Thelma Houston)

Mimi vs India

This may be my all time favourite lip synch.... as Mimi Imfurst picks up India during the performance to the general outrage of everyone. It was funny. Ru decides to go all miserable and send Mimi home.


Manila Luzon vs Delta Work (Season 3 Episode 8)
Song: MacArthur Park (Donna Summer)

Manila may have bombed big time in her attempts at comedy (the main challenge of this episode). But by bringing serious psycho realness with intense crazy eyes she managed to bring the funny this time and win the lip synch, sending fellow heather Delta packing.


Raja vs Carmen Carrera (Season 3 Episode 12)
Song: Straight Up (Paula Abdul)

Raja vs Carmen

Serving Drag Lesbian Prostitute realness

Best Buds and fellow Heathers Carmen and Raja are forced to battle it out. Carmen does what Carmen always does, gets naked, and so Raja decides it'd be rude not to simulate sex on stage. Not pictured: the horny straight jocks nearby very confused and aroused. Carmen sashayed and Raja chantayed.

Madame LaQueer vs Milan (Season 4 Episode 4)
Song: Trouble (Pink)

Milan vs LaQueer

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!

You know, I love a fat funny queen, but Madame LaQueer didn't stand a chance against Milan, who even manages to stop to do her lipstick and still piss all over LaQueer. Milan sent the Madame home, but sadly this was the fiercest Milan managed to be in the competition. What happened Gurl?

Willam Belli vs Jiggly Caliente (Season 4 Episode 7)
Song: Mi Vida Loca (Pam Tillis)

Willam vs Jiggly

Jiggly Caliente - Now that's a face like a smacked arse

Memorable..... for being one of the most boring lip-synchs featuring one of the most famous Queens. Internet shuperstar Willam Belli only had to lip synch once on Drag Race, and this was it. During it she proves that lip-synching is not her thing, and luckily she was up against Jiggly, who had been a much poorer contender and had already had to lip synch for life before. Jiggly sashayed away and Willam got to chante for another day (for now).

Sharon Needles vs Phi Phi O'Hara (Season 4 Episode 8)
Song: It's Raining Men - The Sequel (Martha Wash & RuPaul)

The only time Sharon ended up in the bottom 2 was when she had to work with her bitter rival Phi Phi for the 'Frenemies' challenge. Both Queens proved that if they had to, they can pull out a fierce lip sync. Of course, neither of the Queens sashayed as this was the episode featuring Willam's shock disqualification (complete with vomit).

Raven vs Jujubee (All Stars Episode 5)
Song: Dancing on My Own (Robyn)

When team mates and bosom buddies Raven and Jujubee were forced to battle each other in the All Stars season, the girls completely break down. Luckily for them they were both so.... good(?) that Ru saved them both (and not just because she had already planned to have a finale with 4 Queens, honest).


Coco Montrese vs Monica Beverlyhillz (Season 5 Episode 3)
Song: When I Grow Up (Pussycat Dolls)

Coco vs Monica

FUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKK!

In what seemed like the first of many lip synchs for her, Coco destroys her opponent Monica Beverlyhillz. Whilst Monica's heart is not in it Coco careens around the floor like she's on speed and every time you see her eyes you know she would murder you in her sleep if it got her closer to the crown.

Honey Mahogany and Vivienne Pinay (Season 5 Episode 4)
Song: Oops! I Did it Again (Britney Spears)

In the category of WORST lip synchs.... I'll never forget the first time I saw this episode, I thought it was possibly the most boring lip synch I'd ever seen. Ru agreed, and for the first time ever in Drag Race History BOTH Queens sashayed away. Moving swiftly on...

Roxxxy Andrews and Alyssa Edwards (Season 5 Episode 7)
Song: Whip My Hair (Willow Smith)

Roxxxy vs Alyssa is memorable for a few reasons. Because Roxxxy broke down before the performance and remembered being left on a bus stop by her Mum 30 years ago. Shameless sympathy tactic? Surely not? Because both Queens gave a fierce and frenetic performance and whipped their hair (well wigs) like pros. Because Roxxxy secretly had TWO wigs on so whipped her wig off to reveal.... another wig. And because both Queens were good enough to chantay. Nice one, bitches.


Coco Montrese and Alyssa Edwards (Season 5 Episode 9)
Song: Cold Hearted (Paula Abdul)

In many ways, this was the moment that Season 5 was building up to.  Bitter rivals Alyssa Edwards and Coco Montrese never let anyone forget their history, and were throwing shade at each other at any chance they got. If either had left without battling each other in a lip synch, then that would have been a crime against DRAMA!

The episode had already seen Alyssa declare that she would lip synch all the way to final, and that the challenges have not been to her advantage but the lip synchs were where she was able to truly shine as an entertainer. Coco called her out for being shady bitch and insinuating none of the other girls were entertainers like she was.

Coco proved Alyssa wrong, and she excelled at the lip synch 'like she were Paula Abdul herself' (points at mouth) ... Coco chantayed and Alyssa sashayed.


Darienne Lake and Magnolia Crawford (Season 6 Episode 2)
Song: Turn the Beat Around (Vicki Sue Robinson)

Looking back, it's surprising to see Darienne end up in the bottom 2 in her first appearance on the show, given she would make it to the final 4 of the series. She's lucky she had Magnolia as her opponent, who had pretty much already sealed the deal of going home by declaring she was only doing the show for exposure, and didn't care about winning or doing well.

Darienne may be able to shake her ample junk but it's overall an uninspiring battle.



Laganja Estranja and Joslyn Fox (Season 6 Episode 8)
Song: Stupid Girls (Pink)

One of the greatest lip synch battles of all time, not only because it finally got rid of the ghastly Laganja for good, but for the moment when both Queens, desperate to be saved, do the death drop in perfect unison.


Adore Delano and Trinity K Bonet (Season 6 Episode 9)
Song: Vibeology (Paula Abdul)

Trinity was a late bloomer in Season 6, and at her short comings would always complain "This is not what I do, I am a lip synch artist!".  Well, she got to lip synch one time too many in the competition, and was finally sent home by a feisty Adore Delano, serving it in a hot black catsuit. Werk!


Ben Dela Creme and 
Darienne Lake REMATCH (Season 6 Episode 11)
Song: Stronger (Kelly Clarkson)

The first time Dela and Darienne faced each other in a lip synch battle, Ru saved them both. The second time, despite Dela being fiercer and werking it harder (in my opinion) Ru sent her home. I'M NOT BITTER! Dela SHOULD have been in the Top 3 though! *sniff*.



LIPSYNCH FOR THE CROWN (Season 6 Episode 12)
Song: Sissy That Walk (RuPaul)

Bianca Del Rio, Adoe Delano, Courtney Act and Darienne Lake

Because it's the ONLY time you're gonna see this bitch lip synching, cause she weren't ever in the bottom!

"I'll help you bitches pack"

50 ESSENTIAL MOVIES FOR GAY MEN (Part 3)

 

Brokeback Mountain

Welcome to Part 3, and now it’s time for one that’s so obvious it’s bordering on boring just by mentioning it… but I kinda feel like I have to. Brokeback Mountain is basically the gay answer to Titanic.

Now there's a question no one asked

 

Jake Gyllenhaal stars as Jack (sorta Kate Winslett) and Heath Ledger stars as Ennis (sorta Leonardon DiCaprio), two cowboys (well, more like shepherds really, but I digress) who find work on the titular Brokeback Mountain, and then find love with each other. They continue coming back every summer for hardcore gay sex despite both settling down with women. The movie depicts a complex relationship between 2 men as they struggle with themselves and society in 1960s America.

And wear super cool hats

 

I've just realised the movie is nothing like Titanic.

Fact fans may be interested to know that the original choices for the leads were Matt Damon and 'Marky' Mark Wahlberg. Damon turned down the role as didn't want to be typecast as gay following his role as Ripley, and Marky Mark was 'creeped out by homosexuality'.

"Gays creep me out!"

 

I first saw this film in the cinema, and have never seen it again since, as I don't think it would be as good when not surrounded by 50 middle aged queers sobbing.

They were doing something during this scene, wasn't crying though...

 

One final thought: If it wasn't for Brokeback Mountain, Harry Potter fans would be unable to enjoy Youtube clips like this:

To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar

What happens when an American Movie Exec sees a successful foreign film? They throw a strop and arrange for an American rip off to be made of course. And lo, that is what happened when they saw Priscilla. It is undeniable that To Wong Foo is a blatant rip off of Priscilla, its even got a ridiculously long and pointless title.

Good poster though.

However, as blatant rip offs go. This is one of the best.

It stars Dirty Dancer Patrick Swayze, John Leguizamo aka Lautrec from Moulin Rouge, and notorious tax avoider Wesley Snipes as three sassy ass queens that trek across a dustbowl county of the USA in a run down old car on their way to a drag contest in Los Angeles.

Fishy.

 

If that hasn't sold it to you, it also features a great soundtrack, and cameos from Drag Royalty RuPaul and Robin Williams.

And if that still hasn't sold it to you.... I mean seriously, Wesley Snipes in drag. How can you NOT be gagging to see this?

Fuck, yeah

 

I like to think there's a parallel universe somewhere where the movie is called “To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Lee Meriwether”.

Or, even worse, Halle Berry

The Witches of Eastwick

You know how the last entry was about three drag queens trekking across the USA? Well this is about three biological women who stay in one place. In the USA.

Describing Cher as 'biological' may be a bit of a stretch

 

What's so gay about that? Well firstly the three women are Grease 2's Michelle Pfeifer, Susan 'Damnit Janet' Sarandon (more on that later) and “I only need 4 letters for everyone in the world to know who the fuck I am” CHER.

"That's right, I'm fuckin' Cher!"

 

Secondly the three women are witches who summon a satanic being (played by Jack Nicholson) to fuck them all. Seriously. They're all bored and horny and so engage in a ritual to bring someone to town to fuck them. Once Nicholson arrives he enhances the witches powers to enable them to float a bit, make people they don't like spontaneously vomit cherry pips, and have great orgasms.

"I'm a classically trained actress!"

 

The film is fun, sexy, dark and camp in equal measure, and demands to be seen.

The final twenty minutes are a tour-de-force of mayhem and without spoiling things, sees the women rid themselves of Nicholson, as they realise they don't need him. Oh, and he turns into a weird little shrivelled up thing. I wonder what that's supposed to represent...

Death Becomes Her

Following hot on the heels of the Witches of Eastwick, I bring you another movie where glamorous women romp around in a story that mixes up the mundane and the supernatural. Only this one is funnier.

Her head's backwards. LOL

In place of Cher, Sarandon and Pfeifer we instead have 90s screwball comedy stalwart Goldie Hawn and multi-Oscar winner Meryl Streep, in what I will allege is the best role of her career.

Better than Sophie's Choice

The two are life long friends/enemies and clearly supreme superbitches; and would be every queens' wet dream as fag hags.

For some reason unbeknownst to anyone, the two have both got the hots for Bruce Willis. In their efforts to stay young, beautiful, and secure the love of Brucey, they both procure the elixir of eternal life from Isabella Rossilini.

Slag.

The movie is, undoubtedly one of the most outrageous and camp films of all time. And is effectively a very glamorous zombie movie.

As glamorous as City of the Living Dead

  

Body of Evidence

An erotic thriller starring Madonna.

Is that enough to convince you? OK.....

Shit, where'd I put my clothes?

Following the success of Basic Instinct, some Hollwood genius/muppet thought what could be sexier than a sexy erotic thriller starring Sharon Stone. Why, a sexy erotic thriller starring Madonna of course!!

What could go wrong?

Madonna's star was falling rapidly. After being a huge force to be reckoned with in the 80s, following the release of her greatest hits package the Immaculate Collection in 1990, our Madge decided to stop making perfectly-crafted catchy pop songs, and instead release bass-heavy dirges where she breathed and had loud orgasms instead of singing.

But at least in a movie she just had to look sexy, take her clothes off and, er, act. That couldn't possibly go wrong, right? Right????????

Colonel Sanders said it best... finger lickin' good

Wrong. Firstly, Madonna had never been the kind of women straight men wanted to wank over. She was the kind of woman other women looked up to. She was the kind of woman gay men idolised. But sadly, straight men on the whole weren't turned on by her because of her image as a strong empowered woman. While she had started her career as a 'boy-toy', this quickly changed, and her image developed as a no-nonsense ball buster that made men in the 80s retract their dicks up into their bodies. So basically, the sex angle was a no-go from the start, as there weren't that many men who wanted to go to the cinema and ogle over her.

Even less wanted to ogle Willem Dafoe

Secondly, Madonna can't act. Thirdly, the script was abysmal. And fourthly, the plot was ridiculous shlock.

The film was nominated for an impressive six Golden Raspberries, though only won in the Worst Actress category. I bet Madge still has the award displayed fondly on her mantelpiece to this day.

I'm pretty confident it's the only acting award she's ever won

I may be giving you the wrong impression that I don;t like this movie. But you couldn;t be more wrong. I LOVE IT. Because it's so fucking terrible.

Julianne Moore was also in this movie. She doesn't like to talk about it.

The studio marketing team should have realised that the only people that would appreciate this movie would be gay men looking for a laugh. If they'd marketed it towards them, they may have actually made some money.

Queer Duck: The Movie

OK, so for everyone who’s getting bored of the empowered females, women-acting-like-gay-men, and Madonna, and just want some more all out balls out gay action….. I give you Queer Duck the Movie.

This may be ripped off from another movie

Yes it’s a cartoon, yes it’s low budget and yes the animation is very basic, but boy, is it fabulous.

Queer Duck started life as a series of animated shorts that aired alongside the first series of the American Remake of Queer as Folk. The series was so well loved and well received that the gang responsible had the batshit idea to make a whole damn movie based on Queer Duck.

Because he's that damn awesome

It may be cheap, it may be animated, but it’s very funny and has some brilliant musical numbers. All the main characters embody a gay stereotype, but again, who the fuck cares?

Not these guys that's for.... oh wait, I've used that one haven't I?

The plot (yes there is one) revolves around Queer Duck falling prey to a TV-Preacher who forces Queer Duck to undergo gay conversion therapy. No one is safe, as well as the punches it throws towards TV ‘ministries’ and gay conversion camps, a host of celebrities and personalities are read for filth, just as you would expect from a gay movie!

This is Liz Taylor, yes she looks much better in cartoon form.

By movie’s end you will have laughed, cried, sung, and will guaranteed to be feeling better about yourself as a person.

It's on Netflix, what are you waiting for!!!!

"I'm not an impersonator, I'm the real Liza!!!!!"

X2 - X Men 2

Another sequel! Are you keeping count?

Actually it's only 3.... so far

This one is a huge blockbuster of recent years starring noted homosexual Ian McKellan, Honorary homosexual Patrick Stewart, and Homosexual wank fantasy Hugh Jackman.

Stewart & McKellan in a deleted scene from the movie

The homosexual subtext of the X Men series have been often spoken about by the creative team, especially legendary queen McKellan. X2 is however the most concentrated gay of the entire film series.

And the gays all concentrated on Jackman's fist

Disapproving of Professor Xaviers school for gifted homos, the US government, under the orders of the evil Colonel Stryker, invade the school and drive all the X Men out of the closet.

A few of the heroes take refuge at the home of resident Ice Twink Bobby, but while his parents struggle to come to terms with their son’s burgeoning sexuality, his homophobic brother calls in the Police, and the gang only barely manage to escape.

But don't they look faaaaabulous in their leathers?

Meanwhile, Professor Xavier has been kidnapped by Stryker, who has a personal vendetta against the professor after his son turned into a homo and he believes the Prof had groomed him. Stryker’s son has since been lobotomised however to take away the gay.

Could be worse, could be Halle Berry... OH FUCK IT IS

Will Wolverine and friends save the professor? And what of Magneto? What indeed. Well you’ll have to watch it to find out.


Strangers on a Train

Look, Alfred Hitchcock was no shirt lifter. In fact, all accounts seem to indicate he was in fact a pretty notorious and nasty womaniser. However, during his long career of making movies adored by critics and luvvies he certainly made a few that veered on the homoerotic side.

Alfred Hitchcock.... women loved him

Of course, everyone knows about Anthony Perkins and his penchant for cross dressing as geriatrics, James Stewart and his thrill for bondage, and everyone knows about, even if they’ve never seen, Strangers on a Train.

It’s a story of two men, Guy and Bruno, who meet on a train (careful now) and hypothesize about ‘dong each others murders’, Guy needs rid of his slagtastic wife so he can marry his goody girl bit on the side (double standard anyone?) while Bruno wants shot of his Dad. Bruno comes up with the idea, probably because he’d like to take out Guy’s wife so he can have Guy all to himself.

"Why no, I'm not wearing any knickers"

Not convinced? Watch the damn movie. Any scene where there together is filled with testosterone heavy sexual tension, and it’s clear that Bruno was gagging to sit on Guy’s dick and ride him until morning.

Well.... who wouldn't

Farley Granger, who also starred opposite James Stewart in Rope, was gay in real life. Whether he unintentionally brought some of the homoeroticism himself or whether Hitchcock knew exactly what he was doing is a matter of debate.

Definitely the gayest movie released to cinemas in 1951 (except maybe Abbot & Costello meet the Invisible Man).

 

Tootsie

Look, Dustin Hoffman dresses as a woman. That’s really all you need to know….

Fabulous!

Pink Flamingos

As far as movies with Drag Queens in them go, yes I love my Priscillas, my Too Wong Foos, and Connie and Carlas, but surely the ultimate movie featuring a Drag Queen has to be John Water’s Shocksploitation Classic and self-proclaimed ‘Exercise in Bad Taste’, Pink Flamingoes.

The Filthiest Person Alive

Of course, despite Divine being one of the most infamous and outrageous Drag Queens of all time, her character in the movie is 100% bio-logical woman. The story follows Divine (which is also her character’s name) and her rag tag bunch of pervets who make money dealing heroin to school kids, with a sideline in kidnapping women, raping them, and selling the resulting babies to lesbians.

Hey, a girls gotta make a living!

For any gays that get ruffled feathers with being associated with utter filth like this movie, it’s important to remember that this movie effectively came out of the gay, underground subculture at the time (as all gay culture was underground and, er, sub, at the time) and both the director and leading actor were gay men. 

Don't ask

Anybody who tells you that the Human Centipede movies are the most depraved, shocking and disgusting movies ever made…. Have never seen Pink Flamingoes.

PART 4..... COMING SOON TO A GRINDHOUSE NEAR YOU